The weather has been absolutely miserable lately, and I don’t know when it’s going to stop. Ahh, I’ll quit beating around the bush.

Things have been strange lately. I feel very out of focus. I’m finding it harder to care about things every day. Important things, non-important things. Whatever. I’ve spent the last few weeks just sort of gliding along with my eyes closed. Pretty much since the Saint / Eagles game.

I don’t really know what’s going on. I tried to blame my inability to care about school on Senioritis, but it’s carrying over into way too many things to be that. My impending graduation has nothing to do with
my relationship with God
my relationships with others
my sick dog
taking care of myself
getting enough rest
etc.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suicidal or anything remotely approaching that. Hell, I’m not even depressed. I just don’t feel like doing…anything. I don’t want to read, I don’t want to pray, I don’t want to talk to people. I just want to stare at the ceiling. This is not a good place to be.

I should be writing more. Maybe that’s it.

I quit drinking caffeine about two weeks ago. The day before the Saints / Eagles game. So, yeah, maybe it’s that. But you know what? If I have to have caffeine in order to function as a normal, bleeding-heart human being, then am I ever really alive? I keep waking up, trying to pray, realizing that I’m not focused at all. I sit in my classrooms, staring at the profs. I go through the motions. I look at my books, I read the words, and they fall straight through my body. This is not a good place to be.

Suggestions are welcome. Sorry for my lack of eloquence.

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