I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. I promised myself that I no longer had any need to put all of my thoughts on the Internet. So I convinced myself that I was going to create a space to display my work and to vent about the things that trouble me. I seriously hope that this doesn’t turn into a journal, because that is not fun to read. Nor to write. Nor to have people react to.

Word from the wise: the Internet is not private.

Yesterday, I turned twenty-two, and I spent most of the day in agony over a short story which is now close enough to being finished. Yes yes, I missed seeing My Morning Jacket etc, pity me, etc etc. This is the second major show that I’ve missed on account of procrastination. But unlike the Springsteen JazzFest show (which I missed for the sake of REL 2001 — Faith and Doubt), I missed MMJ to do something that I hope will one day matter. Am I hubristic enough to think that my writing will change the world? Of course not. But I do have faith that I’ll be much more proud of any scrap of art I’ve managed to string together than any kind of philosophical term paper (for the record, the topic was “Does the Christian Have to Believe in Christ as a Historical Figure in Order to be Saved?”).

I guess that’s why I dropped my Religious Studies minor, and why I’ve been dropping more of the overtly “spiritual” things I do out of my life. See, the more that I think about God on some intellectual level, the less fascinated I am by Him. When I put God into some text book — even if it’s written from a perspective I agree with — the “magic” of the experience of God is lost. I already believe that He exists; why bother reading someone else’s proof? Yesterday may have been the most beautiful day of the year, but I spent it inside screaming about having to do what I want to do for the rest of my life.

What’s the point?

The point is, I guess, that I always seem to miss the blessing for the loads of crap that stands before it. Would it have been prudent for me to lie in the grass yesterday afternoon, staring into space and thinking about absolutely nothing? Probably not. But should I have done that? Absolutely. I guess I’m just realizing that my sense of holy duty may be more self-authored than I once thought…Overall, I guess, what I’m trying to convey is that I think that most of the time, God wants us to relax. He wants us to calm down and stop worrying about every little thing. I shoulda spent the afternoon outside.

I don’t know what I think about all of this blogging nonsense, anyway. If you want me to keep it up, let me know.

Also, if you don’t actually know me, I’ve included a handy About Me section right above this post. It is entitled “Learn Me,” and you will be automatically entered to win the opportunity to ghostwrite my autobiography. Good luck!

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